Reverend Norb of Boris the Sprinkler

No. 1: If possible, what movie would you be the star of?
 
Answer: "Geisha To Go." Well, either that or "Oriental Oyster."
 
No. 2: If you were a superhero, who would you be?
 
Answer: Well, i always liked Giant-Man, because he was this huge (both literally and figuratively) dork, yet he still had his hot society girlfriend The Wasp lovingly flitting around him, calling him a "big lug" and complaining during pitched superhero battling that her mascara was running. Unfortunately, reason dictates that i am BORNnnnn...TO BE PLASTIC MAN!!! Let's face it, i'm certainly curiously stretchy enough. I actually went as Plastic Man this Halloween...i thought i would look more plastic-like if i removed all visible body hair from my body, and, as a result, wound up gashing a huge hunk out of the back of one of my knees...so i was Plastic Man After Heated Battle With Wolverine Or The swordsman, i guess.
 
No. 3: What beverage represents you best?
 
Answer: As Iggy said, "I am the World's Forgotten Fucker, the one's who's represented by Apple Pucker!" It's sweet, it's sour, it's green, it'll make you sick and shit your pants -- myself in a nutshell.
 
No. 4: What is the weather like where you’re at right now?
 
Answer: Cold and clear. Amazingly, the mammoth blizzard that pounded most of the country left Green Bay completely unscathed. Good clean livin', pal!
 
No. 5: What celebrity do you most resemble?
 
Answer: Elvis Costello or Buddy Holly when my hair is short; and, unfortunately, Roy fucking Orbison when my hair is long.
 
No. 6: If you weren’t doing what you’re doing now, what would you be doing?

Answer: Masturbating to "Geisha To Go" or "Oriental Oyster."

No. 7: What is your favorite holiday?
 
Answer: It's a tossup between St. Swithin's Day or Christmas. I like Christmas because i always get more stuff than i give, so it would be fiscally irresponsible of me not to like it.
 
No. 8: Squirrels, for or against?
 
Answer: I'm generally pro-squirrel (moose, too), except for a couple days every summer, the squirrel who lives in my tree out front must go into heat, or some manner of annual berserker frenzy, or something, and he stares at me when i'm sitting on the porch and yells "BRAAACCKKK!!! BRAAAAACKKKK!!! BRAAAAACKKKK!" in my general direction -- in a most contentious fashion, i might add.

No. 9: What’s the stupidest thing you’ve ever done?

Answer: Three words: Stock Fucking Market.

No. 10: What is your favorite site to visit on the web?

Answer: Boy, here's a great closer: www.jsonline.com/sports/buck -- the Milwaukee Journal-Sentinel's Milwaukee Bucks site. Sorry that's not funnier, but all the good bukkake sites you gotta pay to access.  

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